On August 28th 1993 I had my first born. I had some of my family there with me but I did not have my son’s father there. I think I need to explain my first pregnancy a little further. When I first got pregnant I kept it from my parents as long as I possible could. Then came the time to tell them. I was with an older man that later I would find out had three children of his own. I know that I never loved him and that I just wanted to get away from the drama going on at home so I thought he was the answer. Sadly that was the beginning of many years of living a real life nightmare. God took care of my child inside of me even though I did not have the means to for 8 months. I know what it is like to go hungry and sleep on floors with very little of my own. I do not want sympathy I just think being honest about some of my life will help explain what adoption does to an individual. When I became pregnant at the age of 19, unmarried and in a relationship of hell some would consider ending the pregnancy the only option. I defiantly would not do that I would not put my child up for adoption either!! I know what a emotional roller coaster a adopted child goes through and I would not wish that on any one especially my own child. This is not to make my adopted parents feel bad it is just my feelings on adoption. The unknown will break you down. The day in the hospital when it was just my son and I made me think about my birth mother and what she may have went through when she gave me up. I had such a feeling of loneliness and I had no idea how I was going to take care of this child. His dad had left me in a place eight months pregnant with no money, car or doctor. I had to call my brothers in a different state to come get me because I could not hide my circumstances any longer, I had a little life inside of me. I am sure someone caught on that I had not seen a doctor my whole pregnancy. It was one of the most embarrassing times of my life to have my brothers come get me at the place that I was and pregnant. I did not know my mother’s story at that time but I could not help but think had I become like her? I felt like I let my child down. I should have made better decisions. I was so down on myself but later in life I know I was strong for keeping him and accepting my responsibility no matter how hard it was. God blessed me with my kids. Nothing good comes easy anyway right? So after having a baby of my own I wanted to find my birth mother all the more. I wanted answers! I wanted to know what happen and I wanted to know my family’s history. So I contacted an adoption agency….The story of finding my birth mother next….
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