My initial call to the adoption agency

I am not sure exactly when it was in 1993 but I made a call to the adoption agency in Lansing Michigan. This was the year my first born was born. I also got back with his father. That was the second worse decision that I ever did. The first bad decision was getting with him to begin with. I just thought it was best to have him take care of my son instead of my family. It was his responsibility not theirs. I made the bed I should sleep in. It never got better. I did get three blessings out of the relationship. My three kids. To continue with my story after I had my first child my mission was to find my biological mom. I had so many expectations of how this would go. They were all good expectations but nothing like what I would final find out! The person on the other end said absolutely I will send your adoption papers right out. I was so excited. Why didn’t I do this sooner? It was so easy! The person I will add was super nice to me. It felt like a lifetime before the paperwork from the adoption agency finally arrived. When it did arrive I sat down and took a deep breath. I had waited 20 years or so for this! I opened it up and there it was or there it was not should I say. I pulled out my paperwork and someone had cut out all of the important information such as names, addresses etc. You could only imagine the emotions erupting inside of my body! I am a adult! Why would they do this to me? I cried and threw it down on the couch. My husband at the time picked the envelope up and looked inside. On the bottom was a small cut out. The cut out had a name on it. My birth mothers maiden name. I truly believe that the lady on the other end purposely did that for me but I have no proof of it! Whomever did it gave me what I needed. I immediately searched in the phone book hoping to find her. I was in Ohio but the paperwork had the area where she was at the time. This area was within 15 miles of my hometown in Michigan. I do not remember the time frames because I had blocked a lot of my life out at the time with my ex husband and all. I made a phone call to a person with the last name. This would be my mother’s sister. It was a great talk. She was so easy to talk to at the time. She contacted my birth mother. When I say adoption is like a roller coaster ride this is why. The sister (my aunt) called me back and said my birth mother did not want to talk to me right now. I thought the initial rejection was bad enough but now rejected again? She ended up writing me a letter about how she felt and what she went through. I have heard so many stories from so many people that I can only write what I have been told. I do not think I will ever know the whole story. From what I can gather was my mom already had a daughter (my older sister) from a different father. Then she started dating (my birth father). Remember I will be telling bits and pieces of what I have been told. I may never know the truth 100%. It seems in my case all the individuals see my story differently. This was only the beginning of meeting my family. Her story is that he got her pregnant but wanted to be with another women instead. There was some confusion because I could of swore she said he had both of them pregnant at the same time which I later found out that was not the case. So instantly I thought my birth father was a dead beat! I felt sorry for my birth mother and so I did not search for my birth father at least I did not then. It was quite a while before I actually talked to her and set a date to meet her. Coming next “the day I met my birth mother.”