Meeting my birth mother

I do not remember how long it was after I reached out to my birth family that I set up a date to meet my birth mother. I think it was just a few months. My adopted father took me to he home to meet her. He dropped me off. I can not possibly explain who I felt inside. My adopted father drove in circles waiting for me to call him. He was concerned with how this would go. He was supportive but had concerns. It felt like I was meeting a stranger not my own mom. A mom is suppose to be the closest person you have in your life. I was in her stomach close to her heart for nine months. She brought me into the world yet when I met her she was a stranger to me. Remember for 20 years I had felt rejected. I had watched for her everywhere. I sang a song to her at night. She then did not want to talk to me at first when I reached out to her. This was the same women I was about to meet for the first time. I had such a anxious feeling inside. I had seen photos of her prior to going to meet her. When I sat down to talk to her for the first time I did not know what to talk about first. I knew exactly what I wanted to ask but was I ready for the answers? Probably not. I really do not have a good memory of that first conversation. It is all a fog to be honest. She told me her side of the whole story of how I came to be. The more she talked about the man that was my birth father the more I had no wish to meet him. She did tell me his name. What he looked like at that time and where he lived. I learned that I had a older sister and a younger brother with her. I also learned that I had a younger brother on my birth father’s side. At the time I thought this brother was the same age as me. I would find out later that he was a couple years younger. I went from having two adopted older brothers to four brothers and one sister. I wrote my dad’s name down and looked up his phone number. I kept this piece of paper in my wallet for 20 years before reaching out to find him. They were all with in fifteen miles of my hometown. So close in fact that people that went to my church actually were my blood family but I did not know at the time. My blood cousin actually babysat my brothers and I. I would learn more as the years went on about who I was related to. What an interesting story with emotional ups and downs to tell. Once again this is why an adoptee’s life is often compared to a roller coaster ride.