I have had experiences as an adoptee with the families not understanding my love for all of my family. I am sure there are millions out there struggling with the same issues. We need to get out feelings out there on this topic in #adoption. My first example would be my biological sister. She has bad kidneys and her kidney failure has gotten worse. I would give her my kidney if it was a match and would give her longer life. I did not grow up with her however my love for her is just the same. Some in my adopted family can not understand such a action on my part. I think it is very complicated for a adopted family member to understand that when we find our biological family that there can be an immediate bond. As there is also a bond with our adopted family. I would do the same for my adopted siblings. There has been a jealously among members on both sides. This is not easy for an adoptee. When you chose to adopt you have to prepare yourself for the day that may or may not come when your child finds the birth family. It is like one side tries to protect you from the other side. There is no need to “protect” us from our family. I have not gotten close to many on my birth side but the ones that I have gotten to know I love with all of my heart. Take a moment and put yourself in the shoes of your adopted one. They do not have 100% control over whom they love and you should not either.
Adoption is not all black and white. It can be a roller coaster ride. My advice to adopted parents is take the time to listen to your child. Do not fight with them when it comes to seeing their biological family. If the family is a threat physically then yes that would be the time to intervene but do not let a form of jealousy in when it comes to their time/love with biological family. God blessed you with someone else’s child. I think of it as a shared blessing. Be willing to share your child if the time comes. This also goes with the biological parents. Do NOT fight about your child wanting to be a part of both their biological parents life no matter who was at fault at conception.