Too many times in adoption family members other than the adoptee want to play the victim. I can see some family members that missed out on the adoptees’ life because they did not know that they had a family member adopted out. For those of you, that knew the mother gave her child up for adoption you are NOT a victim. Let’s make that very clear. As an adoptee myself I think we are victimized at times but not a victim, I had no say in my life. What was dished out to me I had to eat. Do not play the victim as the biological mother or those that knew she did it! When that child is 18 regardless of an open adoption or closed you should seek out a relationship with the adopted child. Shame on you if you do not. If an adoptee comes to you later because you have answers that they need you should welcome them with open arms. They are your family! Do not tell them things just to make the biological parent or parents look better. Do not lie to them. Do not makeup stories. It is very hard to be an adoptee as it is without negativity and lies from the biological family.
I have had people welcome me with open arms as well as family that showed jealousy and spite. I have heard adoptees cry because their found so-called family chose to play the victim and told them their version of what happened. They leave out important facts or add their own twist to the story. Let me remind you that this is someone’s life that you are talking about not some fictional book that you are writing. Some things are irrelevant to an adoptee. Medical is very important but details such as pointing fingers are not necessary. Be kind and considerate when speaking to an adoptee for the first time. Do NOT act like a victim!