When I met my biological sister she shared a secret that at the time only her finance’ knew about her. Later she would tell her daughter at an age she could understand. My sister had become pregnant with someone that would not end up staying with her so she decided that it would be best to give her baby boy up for adoption. This is the story for many younger women. However, my sister did not tell anyone about her pregnancy. As surprising as it is the family did not notice. She is a smaller framed girl so it was harder to tell. Especially for ones that do not pay attention to detail!
I am not a fan of adoption as I always state in my blogs but I wish that I could have been there to help give her the support that she needed. I had my first at 19. I chose to keep him even though it was not the “ideal” situation. Being an adoptee myself, I understand the loneliness and feelings of not being wanted can do to adoptees. I have learned to listen to the reasons why women give their babies up as well. Some mothers feel that it is the best decision for the well-being of their children. I would much rather any mother give their child up than the alternative of abortion. As controversial as abortion is I do not think it is an option. Just like I do not think killing someone is a choice. Women need the support of their families. My sister should have been able to tell those close to her so that they could walk through this very tough time with her.
Of course, you want the best for your children but when they chose the wrong path you have to be there for them. That is what parenting is about and unconditional love. Now on to my story. My sister’s son posted a Facebook post about being adopted and he wanted to find his birthmother. My sister and her biological son shared a mutual Facebook friend. This is how they found each other. This was a few years ago. They met up and my sister’s daughter met her biological big brother for the first time. However, my sister did not tell our family at that point. Her son wanted to do a DNA first. I totally understand why he wanted to. I did a DNA when I found my father. Of course, they were a match. So they both put posts on Facebook a while back to let all of their family and friends know openly.
There are a few helpful pointers that I am trying to get out in this blog. First, if you are a parent let your girls know that they can come to you about anything. You might be disappointed and hurt but they have to know that they can come to you about anything. Going through pregnancy or giving up a child should never be done alone. We are parents for better or for worse. There is no parenting manual. You have to learn as you go. Maybe if there was more parental support there would be fewer abortions and fewer suicides!
The other important point that I wanted to make is for adopted parents and family members. When you chose to adopt you have to be willing to accept what happens if your adopted child finds their biological family. At that point, they have two families. You should be willing to support that without feeling jealous. If you adopt a child you knew they had another mom, dad, brother or sister. It is one big family at that point, not two! My advice is to not adopt if you can not handle this particular situation because you will be harming the adoptee more than helping them.
For the most part, most of my sister and nephews’ family and friends have welcomed the new news! The truth will set you free!!!!!