My struggles as an adoptee

As a young child, the fact of being adopted really did not affect me either way. I do not think I absorbed the truth until I was 12. At that point in my life, I started feeling some rejection feelings. I love my adopted parents. I know my adopted mom is a very special person for taking care of a child that is not her obligation, to begin with. That makes her an angel in my eyes. A false assumption that people get all of the time is that the adoptee does not care about their adopted family if they wish to find their biological parents. This is a totally human thing to want to do. Adoptees need answers. We have real feelings of anger, rejection, and emptiness. No one should ever try to question that.

As a teenager my adopted parents were constantly fighting. They appeared to not love one another. My father and I had a very rocky relationship. As a child I was his “baby girl” as a teen it changed very fast. He was such a hard worker which I know now is a positive but along with that comes much stress. He seemed angry all of the time. They faught so much. This caused me a lot more feelings of rejection and disappointment. I know now that they loved me and the fighting had nothing to do with me but it effected me then. I wanted to find my biological mom in my teen years because for some reason I thought she would rescue me from the situation. What was I thinking? She gave me away! I had such mixed up thoughts as a teenager. Teenagers have crazy hormones as it is let alone having added stress on top of those raging hormones! I also dealt with an alcoholic as a child. I will not say who that was for privacy and respect of them but that in itself is a terrrible thing for a child to deal with!

So my continued advice to adopted parents is as follows….

1. Do not adopt if your relationship with one another is not good
2. Make sure you are ready to listen to your adopted child about thier adoption
3. Answer thier questions with %100 honesty
4. If you have biological children show all the children the same attention
5. Talk and listen to your biological kids about the adoption
6. Most of all you have to accept that they might find thier biological family one da

https://www.americanadoptions.com/state_adoption/when_to_tell_your_child_about_their_adoption

Communicating With Adoptive Parents