Forgiveness in adoption

There are so many things in adoption that can cause anger, selfishness and voids. Adoption should be such a beautiful blessing. A blessing to the new parents that could not have thier own child or a blessing to the unwed young girl that loves her baby but has no means to raise a baby. Sure on the outside one may see these blessings but there are so many levels to adoption that will bring a need for forgiveness into both the biological family as well as the adopted family.

Forgiveness is very hard for people to comprehend but is crucial in moving on in life. As a Christian, I am well aware that God wants me to forgive in order to enter the gates of Heaven. Forgiveness does not ever mean that you forget what has hurt you but in order to be joyful and move ahead in life you have to forgive those that have hurt you. Please forgive those in your life.

Sometimes in adoption adoptees are not welcomed in thier biological families lives with open arms. Other times a adoptees adopted family will give them grief over searching for thier biological family. I have had to forgive quite a few things as I have met my biological family members over the last couple of decades. Actually I continue to have to take the high road in my adoption journey.

The birth family

I am pleading with biological family members that have encountered a family member that has been adopted out that is now reaching out. Please keep your minds and hearts open. Adoptees do not choose to be adopted. They still have the desire to “know” where they come from. Most adoptees mean well and have a burning desire to learn about their biological family. Of course, there will be a few that have bad intentions but I sure believe most adoptees just want answers. Growing up I had so many questions. The feeling of rejection is real in adoptees. Welcome adoptees into your family do not push them away. Do not let jealousy cause you to deeply hurt your own blood. An adoptee is just as much your family as those you grew up with every day. I have been told by my biological family member that their parents are their “family” so they have to defend them over me. They do not understand the depth of pain that caused me. I am their family but it does not register that way with them. I chose the high road and have forgiven them even if they still treat me as they do. That phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me” just is not true!

Adopted family

Adopted family members come to points in adoption where they will have to learn to forgive. First an adopted mom could have ill feelings towards the birth mom. They may not understand how a mom can give up a baby. Adopted siblings have a hard time sometimes accepting thier adopted siblings having a relationship with thier birth siblings. This however should not create feelings of unforgiveness yet it does time and time again. If I could just save one family member from having ill feelings in adoption that results in unforgiveness this blog would totally be worth it.

Adoptees

As adoptees, we need to keep an open mind. The worst thing we can do is put a wall up or hold onto hard feelings. So many things hurt us deeply. What we need to remember is that our biological family as well as our adopted family members are not in our shoes so they are ignorant of the truth. I do not make excuses for their mean ways but I think everyone involved needs some grace.

Please let me know your feelings whether you are a birthparent, adopted parent sibling, or adoptee.