The beginning

I was six the first time my parents talked to me about being adopted. I do not recall understanding what adoption was until the age of 12. There is no true way to explain what an adoptee feels throughout their life. From that point on I would sing ’ somewhere over the rainbow’ to HER. I would look at every woman in the malls or on the sidewalk wondering if it was HER. You may ask who is she that you are referring to? This would be my birth mom who gave me up. For year’s I never thought about who my birth father was. My only explanation for that is that a mother and daughter share a bond early in the womb. So many unanswered questions going through my head.This however explained why I looked like the black sheep of the family. My adopted mom was an angel sent to take care of me but at the time I felt an invisible wall between us. Not until later would I appreciate my new mom so much more. The biggest hurdle that I tried to get over at a young age was the deep feeling of rejection. Many say ” but you have adopted parents”. Let me tell you that an adoptee can have the best adopted parents or the worst and the feeling of being rejected by HER stays the same. I have had such a black hole in my heart for most of my life. This is only the beginning of my roller coaster ride as an adoptee.